Idea of an Marriage

Societies are at an inflection point as cultural boundaries are overlapping. There are many instances of the advance of globalization which paved the way for migration. These human exchanges have accelerated the blending of cultures as marriage between multinationals create new familial settings. My opinions are based on the first hand experience of the institution of marriage and it’s impact & influence it lent at shaping my family & social sphere.

From the vantage point of a life of half a century, I am able to observe the changes in the fabric of the family set up and how individuals in the evolving family network interact and react to social changes.

It is my opinion that, I have come to believe that the institution of marriage is to create a happy cohabitation for the two people, yes, definitely opposite sex as they explore the shared journey of life with a codified essence of values and trust.

Family in that sense is an emotional sanctuary, a private space where ingredients of happiness and trust are blended to create emotions and intimacies that’s lasting and sustainable.

Aging gracefully within the confines of a marriage means an opportunity to grow into a wedlock with deep roots. Children are the greatest fruits of the seeds of  love invested through the relationship and in many ways these fruits are represented as the future of the societies and nations composition for it is a stable family that is most likely to be a haven for children to blossom into conscientious citizens.

I have often heard the euphemism that ‘marriages are made in heaven’ or the alliteration that ‘made for of each other’ seems a far cry from the mechanics of how a marriage is celebrated as a success.

Each sub-unit of a marriage is merely a coming together of body,  mind,  complex  ,emotions , aspirations and many other nuanced relationship machinations. Sacrifice, adaptability, emotional intelligence, social intelligence, presence, authenticity, trust, love, intimacy, responsibility, sharing, openness, confiding, faith and beliefs , societal context , culture aside many other factors that define a marriage as a success. Marriage viewed as a shared experience is definitely greater than the sum of parts. It is in this context that I explore to understand the following:

1. What is the definition of an ideal marriage ?

2. What defines a marriage as a success ?

3. Has there been a change in the way marriages are viewed , say from what they were pre Internet ?

In my observations I have seen two important factors that have contributed to the way marriages are evolving. 

1. Education of Women 

2. Financial Independence of Women.

Whilst both of these these two factors have contributed immeasurably to what the society and social strata call as Weaker Sex, it is my belief that more power needs to be heaped on both the factors and celebrate the rise of femininity as an equal to the oft masculine contours of the social fabric. It is in a larger context that the institution of marriage that was seen as a man provides and a woman runs the household stereotype yielding to an equal status of a woman who is educated and financially independent that thaws the boundaries of interpersonal relationship dynamics within a marriage.

In the older order, a man sets the relationship standing, values, order, principles mostly in joint families. A nuclear family with a couple and children as a basic social where both expect to be equal partners was a welcome development yet both of them were inept at handling the changing roles by not ceding to the resultant effects of social, psychological and emotional dimension.

In an era of 1990’s a nuclear family spun off the joint family and enjoyed a new lease of life which enhanced the joys  of independence, yet in today’s times of social networking the proximity of relatives and friends make it a transparent relationship which opens up the inner machinations of a family that was hitherto a private sanctuary. It is believed that a marriage is not just between two persons but a marriage of two families or in an Indian context two villages or kingdoms. We all are aware of marriage used as a political bond when a King marries a princess from another kingdom that they are thereafter construed allies. Be that as it may. The point being a marriage is an exchange and reconciliation of an inventory of expectations beyond the conjugal emotional and biological union. It is long after the wedding vows are exchanged and the initial euphoria of honeymoon settles that one comes face to face with the moment of truth of having to share a life as a partnership. There also have been theories and stereotyping around the 7 year itch.  A time period when intimacy declines, romanticism wanes, relationships ebb and coincidentally divorce rates increase. There is a urgent need to understand the meaning and evolution of marriage as an institution for it is vitally important for stability in this being a peaceful sanctuary for current and future citizens to thrive and bloom into able and stable citizens that serve not just the home but the state and the global communities with consideration emanating from a sanguine persona.

I look forward to extending this conversation in subsequent posts while inviting you all to share with intent to further the debate to higher perceptions, biases or school of thoughts of what makes a marriage successful or what is a lifetime of success of a marriage.